I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
