Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
