god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
