Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize