No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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