i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
