It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
