jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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