Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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