I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
