Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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