I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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