I have demons in me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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