I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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