so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
