My first STD was from a foam party
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
