I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
