You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
