dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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