How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
