After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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