Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
