Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
