Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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