i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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