I am spending my child support on dildos
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
