Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
this is an emotional support booty call
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
