If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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