Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
