Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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