I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
