I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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