You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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