Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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