Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
