It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
