I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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