i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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