FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
