he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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