M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You made out with two different species that night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize