lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
