so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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