If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
