Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
