So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
