i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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