I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
