It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
