My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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