youre lurking in front of me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
