I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
