im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
