I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
