you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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