Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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