I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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