clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
be right there i have to get my cape
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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