god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
