"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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