Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
