Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
