He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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