fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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