We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And then he peed in my hair
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