U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
