so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
