i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
